Each week Jack & John tackle a top five list. We debut the list here, then carry over the discussion to the show on Wednesday. You can participate by adding your suggestions to the comments section below or by calling the show at 479-1400. We'll also take your email submissions at jackandjohn@klin.com. This week, we tackle the Top Five Things We'd Like To See Taken Off Television.
John's Top 5:
First, let me say that I am a proponent of free speech and free choice. If I don't like something I don't watch, but I also don't limit other people from watching or listening to crap. I work in this business, I get that.
With that said, most of my top 5 is done tongue-in-cheek, but the first two entries are sincere because they do serve a noble purpose.
1) The Kansas City Chiefs
Jack will think I am targeting him and his like-minded Chief fans across the Midwest. No, I'm not targeting, I'm trying to SAVE you!
For the last two decades the local CBS affiliates have force-fed crappy football down our throats nearly each and every Sunday of the fall. Something about "regionalism." Whatever.
When it comes to pro football, I am a socialist. I believe in the good of the collective. I just want to see the best game of the week. I will pass up my own favorite team just to see the best match-ups. I am unselfish.
But Chiefs fans? Chiefs fans are crack addicts. They take a substance that is knowingly bad for them and they not only force it down their own poisoned gullets, but they have convinced the local stations to force it down OUR collective throats!
I'm just afraid that KOLN and KMTV in Omaha are going to get rung up on drug racketeering charges for being the delivery man in this scheme to poison middle America.
Listen Chief fan, I just want to save you from yourself (and your crappy football team.) I want to expose you to good pro football, so you remember what the game is supposed to look like. Consider this example from a couple of years ago when a Chief fan attended my Super Bowl party. To protect his/her identity, I will call this person "Mack."
MACK - What's that?
ME - What's what?
MACK - There! That quarterback just threw the ball to another guy wearing the same jersey.
ME - Yes, that's Tom Brady. He's supposed to do that.
MACK - But it was third down!!! You're supposed to throw the ball at the ground, then kick to the other team. That's why it's called "football."
ME - (sigh) No, Mack. That's called a completed forward pass and a new set of downs. See, the Patriots are trying to advance the ball to the endzone. They don't want to kick. It's called a "touchdown."
MACK - A what-down?
ME - (deeper sigh) A TOUCH-down. It's worth six points.
MACK - I don't get what you're saying.
ME - (even deeper sigh) Here, have another chicken wing.
MACK - Does it have fruit? You know I cannot eat fruit with anything. Fruit and anything combined with it gives me hives.
ME - No, it doesn't have........Johnny, come play with your father please!
2) Weather Now on Channel 103
Nothing against the Channel 7 Super Duper Storm Center Doppler Weather Team, but I can see 24/7 weather on the Weather Channel or by logging onto KLIN.com's weather page. Put KM3 in Omaha on High-Def on this channel. Or Big Ten Network. Or NFL Network. Or the channel that never plays the Chiefs.
3) Big Brother
I joke with my wife that I cannot hear myself think with all of that screaming going on.
"What screaming?" she asks.
"The screaming of all your brain cells crying out in terror, then suddenly silenced."
While we're at it, let's ban Julie Chen from anything. She annoys the living crap out of me.
4) Rachel Nichols, ESPN
Speaking of annoying correspondents. There is something about this SportsCenter reporter that drives me nuts. She may be a good reporter and a nice person, but every time she's on the television I want to change the channel. Maybe it's the way she talks. Watch her mouth, it always looks like she's over working her mouth every time she talks. Then there's that giant Michael Strahan gap between her teeth. WOW! That's annoying.
5) American Idol
It's a karaoke contest. It may be a karaoke contest with better singers, but it's still a karaoke contest.
Jack's Top 5:
1) Yo Gabba Gabba
I'm not much of a fan of anything my 5-year old enjoys watching on TV outside of "Wipeout", but this show takes the cake. Remember when Fraggle Rock used to seem like the Sesame Street for people on drugs? Well this is all of the scariness of Fraggle Rock, with much, much lower production value and incredibly annoying songs and voices.
2) Cake Boss, Ace of Cakes or Anything cake-decorating related
When I watch the food channel I want to watch Bobby Flay behind the grill teaching me how to do something or Guy Fiere at some dive in Alabama being shown how to make homestyle BBQ. I have never nor will I ever make a cake designed like Shrek. If I happen to want one, there's no way I'm not calling someone who knows how to do that. I use the Food Network as a practical tool, to store tricks and ideas that I'll use when I cook and then will drop to people at my dinner party in casual conversation. Cake decoration shows are food design, and that should be fully separate from everything else going on on the food channel.
3) The Big Bang Theory
Quite potentially the most overrated show in sitcom history. We get it, they're smart but socially awkward. Hillarious.
4) Grey’s Anatomy/Private Practice
Both of these shows have the most gut-wrenching story lines involving death every freakin' week. Seriously, I've enough drama and stress in my life that the last thing I want to worry about while I relax is whether the fictional character on TV is going to choose his child or his wife to survive. I have no desire to voluntarily put myself through that. Give me football or Michael Scott during my free time.
5) Lost
I didn't start watching Lost at the beginning, so never had the time or ambition to catch up. I've heard it's awesome though. From everyone. Constantly. Just another reminder, it's awesome.
Welcome to all things Jack & Dave.
